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I’m sure there are many men out there who will agree that there are certain things a woman should never ask their husbands and boyfriends. Not only do men prefer not to deal with these annoying questions, women usually don’t want to hear the answers… not honest answers, anyway!

Here are some of the top things you should never ask a guy:

1. Does this make me look fat?
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but if you’re worried that an outfit makes you look fat, it probably does. Don’t wimp out by asking for a guy’s opinion. Any man who doesn’t want to get his head bitten off is going to lie and say, “Of course not, honey.”

2. What are you thinking?
Personally, I don’t buy into the rumor that men only think about sex. They think about other things too, like pizza and dinosaurs. They’re probably not thinking about you, though, at least not at the precise moment when you ask this rather blunt question. It puts them on the spot, possibly even making them forget what they were thinking about in the first place. That, or they’re thinking about something they’d rather not discuss. If your guy is thinking about Christina Aguilera’s boobs, do you really want to know about it?

3. Which do you like better?
Whether you’re talking about shoes, dresses, or jewelry, most men don’t care. And if he’s one of those men who actually has an opinion on what looks more fashionable, you probably won’t agree with him anyway. You’ll both be a lot happier if you trust your own judgment.

4. Do you think she looks pretty?
This is a loaded question. We of course know that the only correct response is, “She’s not as beautiful as you, honey.” But he might shoot himself in the foot and answer honestly: “Yeah, she’s pretty hot!” This is an insecurity issue.

In short, never ask a question if you’re not prepared to hear an honest answer!

Wishing you joy in your relationship,

Dana Rhinehart

Want to enjoy a happy marriage like I do? Want to find out for sure if you and your partner are compatible? Visit http://strongrelationships.info to get a list of pre-marriage questions you need to ask your partner.

Have home prices become so low that consumers have lost their minds? My recent experiences have led me to believe that there may be a lot less logic out there in the real estate market than I once believed.

A new home buyer recently explained to me how he had moved at just the right time to escape the upcoming Michigan freeze and take advantage of our 70 degree winter months in Nevada. He also explained to me that he had taken advantage of a very big home price discount given by a lady who needed to move back to Chicago. He had enough money from his IRA to not need a mortgage, but he did take a small seller carry-back loan. What a deal I thought, it must be nice to have such great timing to be able to benefit from the depressed market and low housing prices.

The conversation with the new home buyer became much more interesting when he told me how he did it. Without hesitation he told me that he abandoned his home, after the printing company that he worked for closed its doors, then he packed up the moving van and pointed his car southwest. That was it, and there was not a tinge of regret or concern in his voice when he said it.

I was stunned by the simplicity of the act, but I couldn’t help but ask, why wasn’t he concerned about the consequences of leaving his home in Michigan for bank foreclosure? “Why worry” he explained, they won’t make the effort to chase me across the country. In his mind, it was just one more foreclose in a sea of foreclosures, and there was nothing to be concerned about.

While I’m not an “establishment” kind of guy, there seems to me to be a serious flaw in the belief that you can dump your current home and its mortgage because now is the right time to buy, or because you simply don’t have the patience to wait for the economy to change. While I’m not in touch with the long-term consequences of abandonment, foreclosure and deficiency judgments, it’s hard to believe that you can continue your life without consequences after making a decision of this type.

Take a suggestion from a person who has dealt with bill collectors in the past, you don’t want to live with someone chasing you on a daily basis for tens of thousands of dollars, especially if you have purchased a “new” home in another state and have wages that can be attached. It is likely that they will come after your assets. While a lot of people would like to move, for various reasons, most have bitten the proverbial bullet and are waiting for times to change.

Copyright 2008, Glenn J. Rigdon http://www.horizonvillageappraisal.com

The author, Glenn J. Rigdon, BS, BSCS, MA, ASA is a Realtor, a commercial broker and a commercial appraiser with 30 years of experience working in the real estate industry. Mr. Rigdon has held the position of Economist with the Arizona State Land Department and Staff Specialist – Legal with the Nevada Department of Transportation. His office is located in Henderson, Nevada.

Shopping can be a nightmare especially for those who can’t be seen buying anything sexier than a tube sock. Buying swim wear in public, for one, might just be the worst. You’ve got the nosy bystanders waiting to see what you’d pick out from the rack next, the seemingly judgmental store attendants raising their eyebrows every time you ask for a suit in your size, and the mean stores who decided that a common viewing area or central mirror is better than individual mirrors in each dressing room. It’s not only psychologically excruciating but it can also be considered suicide!

Before you get a *serious heart attack* from embarking on your swimsuit quest, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and identify what your assets and “areas of improvement” are. Don’t worry, nobody is around to judge you. And everything that you could think of is only between you and the mirror. I suggest picking out a clean mirror in a room with sufficient lighting so you can’t miss a single flaw, like a minute dimple or stubborn mass of flab. You are your worst critic, however, you should love your body with all its imperfections because if you don’t, who else will?

If you’re faced with a little unwanted tummy or belly bump, stay away from complicated suits and stick to the basics. There’s a perfectly good reason that God hasn’t phased out the one-piece. If you don’t even want to think about details too much, a classic black number would do because black is known to conceal a few extra pounds. But there are quite a number of one-piece suits out in the market today which have elegant and snappy bust bands that capture the eye and create the illusion of a slimmer midsection. Printed suits could also be used to your advantage. Narrow horizontal stripes, for example, add shape at the waist while vertical lines pull the torso in opposite directions causing the body to look longer. Two contrasting colors between a suit and its shirrings across the middle of the body will showcase the waist and draw attention upward. I think the Mineral Blue Ruched Satin Swimsuit from Donna Karan New York would look absolutely flattering on any kind of figure. It has ample top support, a slimming ruched detail that runs from the neckline down to lower hip, and adequate coverage for the back and bottom. The best part about it is that it almost looks like a two-piece.

Whether you have a full or humble bosom, the secret to finding the right suit is to look for something with sufficient support partnered by a flattering cut. Deep and voluptuous cuts and halter necks highlight the shoulders and arms while they provide support. Underwire and neck lines that are parallel to the ground puts everything right where they should be. A triangle bikini top can also be quite the winning piece. The Christian Dior Pink Smocked Houndstooth Bikini Top would give the right amount of lift while its herringbone pattern would add just a hint of class.

For dressing up a slightly heavier bottom, avoid anything that would cut through those hips and thighs such as boy shorts and bum-binding style bikinis. Instead, opt for a moderately high-cut bottom which will streamline the legs and make them appear leaner and longer. You will realize that there’s really no need for extreme measures such as *laser liposuction* just so you could fit into one. Coral Ruffled Bikini Bottoms from BCBG Max Azria have ruffled trims around the hips and plenty of coverage. If that still doesn’t work for you, I suggest you hit the beach in hip and stylish board shorts that aren’t too big nor too tight. The lace-up closure band should rest perfectly on your hips and this will let you move and groove anywhere, anytime. All designer pieces mentioned above are available at www.bluefly.com for your viewing and buying pleasure.

Your body is your blank canvas while the swim suit you put on is your art. Be as creative and as fashionable as you can be, but always put comfort and support first. If you put a suit on and you feel like it’s restricting or it doesn’t hold anything in their place, then you might as well move on to the next one. Your swim wear will only look breathtaking on you if it fits you right.

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A car that has the same defect-which impairs your regular driving of it-even after repeated attempts to fix the problem, is usually classified as a lemon. While the exact criteria vary from state to state, most legislation is similar to the Federal Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act, under which if a car has been unsuccessfully repaired more than 4 times for the same defect during the warranty period it qualifies as a lemon. This is said to constitute a violation of warranty and is a federal offense.

Now, the question of whether your car is a lemon. For a start, this depends on the kind of defects in the car. If it is a question of cosmetic defects that do not directly affect your driving of the car-peeling paint, poor fittings, or even the odd ‘funny noise’-then your car cannot be classified as a lemon, even though you are not particularly happy with it. On the other hand, if your car is giving problems that may make driving impossible or dangerous-defects like malfunctioning brakes, doors that open by themselves, gearbox defects and so on-then you are justified in asking for your car to be labeled a lemon, and consequently replaced by the manufacturer. At the same, time, you must have given the car maker enough opportunities to fix the problem before it can be qualified as a lemon as such.

Legislation on what qualifies a car as a lemon differ, such that while some states may consider 10 different defects during the warranty period to not make a car a lemon, others may mark a car as such if it shows even one defect that may lead to serious injury.

Now, to actually get all this legislation to work for you, you will need to produce documented proof about your car’s repair history. You must record everything-from when you got what fixed, to who all you met and spoke to, to how much it cost and so on. All your complaints should be submitted in writing, with a copy for yourself. The same goes for copies of Warranty Repair Orders. Also, you must ensure that the dealer takes down your repair complaint exactly as you describe it. Also, you need to define the problem accurately and in similar language. Otherwise, your car may not be certified as a lemon, as a result of a minor loophole in the law. Some states also define a car as a lemon by the number of days it has spent in the workshop. So, whenever you give your car in, take down the date and mileage reading. In some courts, the emotional and physical trauma that you may have had to go through because of your car failure may also hold legally, and have a bearing on the final judgment. So, if your car left you stranded in the middle of a desert, then that will count in the final mark up.

With these tips at hand, make sure that you are not denied your legitimate rights as a consumer. At the same time, they will also help you sort a personal problem you may have with your car and a manufacturing defect that constitutes unethical business practices.

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It seems the more experience I gain in the field of psychotherapy, the more clients I interact with, the more I live my own life, the more I believe the attempt to inappropriately control events is at the core of unhappiness. The use of control is paradoxical: we believe taking control will bring us security and happiness, yet in many cases it causes unhappiness, anxiety, and malaise. In this article I will explain this premise, and support my observations with some findings regarding happiness.

I am often confronted with clients who have addiction problems, depression, marital issues, anxiety, and anger issues. It is my contention that these difficulties have a common thread: control.

Let’s start with depression. I have several clients who hold onto their pessimistic attitudes and beliefs. They are holding on to this style of living, as uncovered in therapy, as a security blanket against disappointment. In other words, they believe if they keep a pessimistic attitude, they are less likely to be disappointed. I purport that this is an attempt to control what is inevitable. Disappointment is a part of life. Being let down, disappointed, or hurt is part of the human existence. Granted, these people have experienced either an inordinate amount of these negative emotions, or they have been hypersensitive to events which were less than positive. But their current malady has as much to do with an attempt to prevent future hurt as much as with the scarring of the past hurt. And I contend this is an inappropriate attempt to control.

It is often easy to see how anger can be a result of wanting to control, and increasing the emotional reaction when control is impeded. Using children as an example, when you tell your child to do something, and they do not, or they talk back, or they ignore you, it is common to become angry. It is relatively clear how this is related to control: in this case the desire to control your child’s behavior. It is also reasonable to understand how it may escalate when this desire to control is obstructed.

This is not to say all anger comes from issues surrounding control. Anger often is a result of fear or hurt feelings in addition to thwarted attempts to control. And although this could be related to control, or the reaction to a lack of control, this is not the forum for that.

Another example of how anger relates to control is when driving and stuck in traffic. One may become frustrated with the inability to get where they need to be in the timeframe they expected. The situation has become out of their control. They may try to exercise control by switching lanes, trying to cut in front of others, or by leaving the highway and trying an alternate route. This can further complicate the issue. The bottom line here is that the inability to control the situation, the feeling control has been taken by extenuating circumstances, has led to the feeling of frustration and anger.

There are often many contributors to marital issues. Difficulty with losing or feeling one has no control is occasionally one of the problems. Some couple’s presenting for therapy do so as a result of arguments. These arguments sometimes stem from issues surrounding not behaving in a fashion that is consistent with the other’s expectations. And, as you can probably ascertain by now, this again relates to control, or the lack thereof. One partner wants something handled in this way. The other disagrees, either outwardly, or by not altering behavior. Arguments escalate or avoidance occurs. All are a result of wanting to have your way in the situation, and not getting it, or having the other try to take it away.

Addiction is often characterized by a loss of control. This loss of control is in regard to a substance or behavior that initially brings relief or pleasure. The actual substance use often starts as an attempt to control feelings. Many people who end up addicted begin substance use in an attempt to manage (or control) feelings and moods. They do not like what they are experiencing, and want it altered. For example, perhaps they had a rough day at work, and want to relax. The use the substance to alter their mood, hence taking control of a mood they otherwise felt was being controlled by external events (whatever contributed to the bad day). This theory can be applied to any such negative mood state. Eventually, they come to over rely on the substance, and eventually, the substance dictates the mood. This is true of other problems as well, and a vicious and self-feeding cycle can begin. But at least one part of the core of it is a desire to control.

Next lets address anxiety. Although anxiety is a general term, we can also call it being worrisome. When and why do people worry? Generally, we worry about the future, whether distant or near. An example would be worrying about your child being out with friends. This may seem like a normal situation to worry about. After all, you do not know what your child may be doing, or may be concerned with their decision making skills (rightly so, as teens have been known to make poor decisions). In psychology it is believed every behavior or action has a reward. In the case of worrying, the reward is to foresee a problem and take action. But often the worrying continues when no action is possible. Worry is often an attempt to control, or a wish to control, what is uncontrollable. When worrying, or anxiety, serves the purpose of aiding preparation, it is a worthy pursuit. But once what can be done is done, worrying is ineffective. These feeling then stem from a desire to control an outcome, and the anxiety about not knowing the outcome; or more simply stated, not being in control.

This is also true in dating, and other common life events. For example, when one meets someone they are interested in, many people start wondering about the experience. What do they think of me? There are these positives, and these negatives, will it work out? Is this someone I see myself with in the future? What about the obstacles, can they be overcome? Is this my soul mate, my other half? All of these questions, that can be common to those beginning a relationship, are an attempt to know the unknowable and thereby control the outcome. Rather than relaxing and letting things unfold, which leaves one somewhat vulnerable, we humans try to figure things out, often in futile attempts to know the future, and gain control.

I believe, in the brief format provided, I have adequately demonstrated how control, either the desire to have it, or the loss or removal of it, is involved in the above issues. I will now discuss some of the effective ways to address and minimize its affect. I will start with how those in addiction recovery combat it. Of course, I believe much of what is applicable to addiction treatment and recovery will be effective with depression, anxiety, anger, or the other issues discussed.

In addiction treatment, which has been my primary area of expertise for years, people entering recovery are often told the virtues of “acceptance,” (please see page 449 of the book “Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd edition for further explanation) “letting go and letting God” and “live and let live.” These saying are all geared at helping the substance dependent individual practice letting go of control, allowing things to happen, and not fretting about the future. The goal of the 12 steps of addiction recovery is “Spiritual Awakening.”

As long as we are on the spiritual, lets discuss religion and faith. In several articles I have read some keys to happiness were discussed. These articles, which varied in some respects, had a common theme: faith. According to these articles, those that have faith, faith that things happen for a reason, faith that things will work out as they are supposed to, faith that a higher power is acting on their behalf, are happier than those who do not share these beliefs. Although other keys to happiness are discussed in these articles as well, I do not believe that the role of faith should be minimized. If you believe things will work out, there is no need to worry, or hold onto depression or a pessimistic view to protect you. If you believe things are as they are supposed to be and that in the end there is a good end product to be had from seemingly negative events, you will be happier. Faith cannot be minimized.

However, faith does not necessarily require belief in God. Faith can simply be the belief that you will benefit from this in the end. This may be through personal growth, a life lesson, or simply a nudge in the right direction by your unconscious. Even the most vehement atheist might be able to accept that the unconscious is a power that influences behavior. And if that atheist can believe their unconscious is helping by pushing in a positive direction, then the faith necessary for happiness can be found.

The power of letting go of control is evident through the recent movement in psychology to incorporate Eastern thought and beliefs. From Linehan’s Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for certain mental health issues, to the recent well written book “The Mindful Way Through Depression,” Eastern thought has been slowly but effectively adopted and often proven effective by the psychological profession. This is nothing new. I recently completed reading a book written in the 1970′s with a similar theme that was again geared at psychotherapy. All of this writing and use of Eastern thought for improving mental health seems indicative of its benefit.

Although Eastern thought does not explicitly discuss faith as in Western religion, there is a letting go of control that is incorporated into its thought. The main theme of the aforementioned books are accepting things as they are, and returning to the present moment. There is a sense of understanding humility, that there are powers greater than you at work in the natural flow of the universe, that things will unfold in a natural order.

My favorite thought in Buddhism is the second noble truth. Loosely translated, it amounts to desire being the root of all suffering. It means when one wants things to be different than they are, when one attaches themselves to good feelings and attempts to avoid bad feelings, when one attempts to control their life to exclude everything they do not like, suffering occurs. The way to happiness is through non-attachment, letting go of expectations, being in the present, not making judgments, and simply accepting life as it presents itself. This is a tall order for sure. Even wanting to be this way defeats the point (there is again desire to be other than you are). But striving toward it by simply reminding yourself occasionally that the present is what it is, that everything doesn’t have to conform to your desires, can bring happiness.

I believe I have presented a thoughtful argument that inappropriate attempts to control are a root cause for discontent. I also believe I have offered some practical thought for how to combat it, and to bring more (not complete) happiness to life.

William Berry MS., CAP.
Program Director
Addiction Education Consultants
http://www.addictioneducationconsultants.com
954 306-0722

Have you ever wished for or wanted something because it would make you happy? When you got it, were you happy and for how long? If what you did or received didn’t bring you the happiness you anticipated – why?

I first met him in grade school; Brian always talked about being married and having two children. Throughout the years it was what he most talked about; how happy he was going to be. When he finished school, got a job, married someone he loved and had children; he would be the happiest person in the world.

School was not easy for Brian, he was small in stature and the bullies loved to pick on him. The more difficult school became for him, the more he would drift into his imagination and envision his new life after graduation. If it was going to happen it would have to be later as he was just not popular with the girls in school or anyone else. Withdrawn and unnoticed he struggled through 12 years of hell, just surviving, and except for me; friendless.

As his friend I wanted him to be happy and I also looked to his new found happiness when he finished school. What a wonderful life he was going to have with his family and friends. We talked about how his wife would look and how she would love him and take care of him.
His children filled with love for Dad would be totally devoted to him and they would follow him around like puppies. Brian had big dreams and absolute faith that life would be easier and filled with happiness once he had what he wanted. Twelve years of struggle finally ended on his graduation. He refused to attend the ceremonies and gave the thumb up gesture to the whole idea.

Brian quickly found a job and made a down payment on his first car. This was a symbol for him as the very first step in finding his long overdue happiness. Just over three weeks into his job, he met a girl and started dating, and six weeks later he was married. Ten months later Brian proudly introduced his son to the world and 18 months later a daughter.

Brian’s whirlwind tour had netted him everything that he wanted except for one thing. A few years into his marriage Brian was not happy, in fact he was never so miserable in his life. Nothing he did or had brought him the happiness he so desperately wanted. His relationships with his wife, children and even his car were not happy ones.

Psychologists would look back to his childhood and suggest many things contributed to his present situation. On the surface I would agree with them. However, I look to the root causes and break things down to their simplest denominator.

On the surface his family relations may not have been very positive. His relationships with his siblings could have contributed to his negative attitude. His small frame and frail appearance may have disempowered him. But these are all physical attributes of a life he manifested that was not filled with happiness. From the beginning the reality of all these things was that he did not choose happiness first.

Brian disempowered himself to be happy by attaching happiness to things and events that were going to happen in the future. Brian had become quite comfortable with not being happy. So in every moment of his young life he decided he would be happy later. Happiness for him was outside of himself; it was something that would come as a package later.

The truth is we are not victims of circumstances; we create them. It is not correct to judge Brian’s life as being wasted. In fact his life was lived exactly the way he chose. At some level of consciousness he chose not to be happy now, but to set a goal to be happy in the future. Judgment ignores the destiny of the spirit; what the spirit has chosen to experience; what we observe of one’s life is always appropriate in the moment. Brian’s struggle in the beginning could well lead him to total bliss in the future or not. I don’t know what it is that Brian wanted to experience in the physical life, and apparently he didn’t know either. Every step we make leads to another, sometimes the step seems to lead away from our destiny, but this is not possible. All steps lead to a final destination.

Happiness doesn’t come to us; we are happy by nature. In the reverse order we think of happiness first then seek to express or demonstrate it physically; this is not the way Brian chose. It still does not mean that what he chose would not bring him happiness if we are to look at the greater picture. It may well mean a side step to happiness that will have greater meaning and expression.

The reason Brian didn’t experience his happiness in his choices was because he had no power to make it happen. He gave away his power to people and events and it was not delivered. There are no things, events or people in the world who can “make” us happy. Our emotions are triggered by our perspective; how we see ourselves in relationship to others and our environment. A happy event for one can be just the opposite for another. When we leave our emotions to the whims of others we will always be disappointed.

Brian could have been happy at any point in his life if he had chosen to be. With the thought of happiness as his current desire, he would have drawn people, places and things to him that would reflect his happiness. What he chose was a different way to demonstrate his journey to the awareness of happiness and his own power to manifest it.

All of us have heard someone say “If only I had this or that” I would be happy. Think back a bit; were they happy and if so, for how long? After the initial happiness, did they go into depression, disappointment, anger or some other emotion; most likely. Somewhere along the way after the event, they chose to feel some other way. Happiness attached to a thing or event does not last if it was not preceded by the will to be happy. If the awareness of happy is attached to an object or event, then once you have it you have reached the end of your journey. Even if the happiness remains for some time, when the object or event is removed the attached happiness will disappear as well. The awareness may remain in memory for a period until it is forgotten. To last, the awareness of happy would have to precede the event and the physical manifestation would be the symbol of that happiness.

Can Brian ever be happy; of course, it’s simply about choice? Can he be happy with his present circumstances; of course? He can change his thoughts about what he has or is experiencing and turn his life around. He can also leave behind what he already has, if it does not reflect his true feelings. It certainly may not be easy, or maybe it would be if he chose happy first, and then decided to act on it. It may very well come easy for him to start a new life that reflects his current feelings of happiness.

Happiness, sounds, looks, feels, smells, and tastes different to everyone. No two people identify with it the same way. The real truth is that happiness is expressed through these senses differently not the other way around. The senses react to the desire to be happy.

There are a couple of things to remember here. Happiness precedes the physical manifestation of it. You are always happy by nature and you choose to experience it or any other emotion in your own unique way. Thought, word, and deed are the steps to creating your experience. Never depend on anyone or anything to bring you happiness – it isn’t going to happen.

Know this; you are the creator of all things you will experience. No person or god has any control over you. You are a victim only if it is what you wish to experience at some level of your consciousness.

In all things you create, be aware of what it is you “really” desire as very few people actually know what they want. Also, if happy is all that you are, you will never experience it. Happy is only relative to unhappiness, you must know both in order to experience either one. Choose the one you most wish to experience.

Roy E. Klienwachter is a resident of British Columbia, Canada. A International published author, a student of NLP, New Age Light Worker, Teacher and Phenomenologist. Roy’s books and articles are thought provoking, and designed to empower your imagination, and take you to places you would never have thought of.

Read about Roy’s books at:
http://www.yourlifewasnevermeanttobeastruggle.com
http://www.leddownthegardenpath.com

There has been extreme efforts to diminish smoking in America over the past two decades. Today one in every four men and one in five women still smoke. For those who never smoked, this is a befuddling fact. Don’t smokers understand that cigarettes are the number one killer in America, that they dramatically increase risk for heart disease, stroke, cancer, high blood pressure, and almost every other health concern, small or large? How could any habit be worth this?

People should know that to stop smoking cigarettes is not just the warnings on the billboards, in media or on the packs of the cigarettes. Smoking is a very hard habit to beat and hence the desire to stop smoking ought to come from the smoker himself. The smoker may have the will power to stop smoking, but to accomplish this one has to have more than just the will power.

First of all it goes with self acceptance, accept that you are a smoker and don’t blame yourself. Try as much as possible to budge your craving of cigarettes to something else. By this you will make your mind forget about that cigarette.

The most common mistake that those who smoke make is laying judgment upon their selves. In odder to stop smoking cigarettes without losing your self esteem is not to judge yourself. Governments have responded strongly to the last point. Never have there been so many tools, systems, and programs available for quitting smoking. And with every month that passes, there is more research showing the benefits of quitting, and the drawbacks of not quitting. This is nothing to the smoker. To stop smoking cigarettes one needs to be comfortable with it so as to cut the craving inside and relinquish smoking in a simple but effective way.

Peter Gitundu Researches And Reports On Health. For More Information On Stop Smoking Cigarettes, Visit His Site At STOP SMOKING CIGARETTES